On What Other Platform are They Heard?

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A year ago in my hometown, there was uproar when a young man brought the center to a standstill because he was up on the roof of a three-story building and refused to come down. The street in question was notorious for drugs and crime and so people quickly assumed he must be a ‘druggy’.

It was all over Facebook in an instant and reading the comments written by local people made me feel sick.

“Must be on drugs, waste of oxygen”

“Leave him to it, I hope he falls off”

“They’re all druggies from that part of town, they…


But I’ll Rise Again

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Taking off from last week, and my decision to ‘only smoke during my menses — once a month’, as a kind of ceremonial time where I should allow myself respite and a smoke as a matter of comfort and self-care…

Well, my menses ended and it’s eight days I’ve been smoking again so far. It was my birthday too so I felt it should be extended to cover that.

I’m going to look through my notes and observations over the past week and share some below. …


When PMS Strikes, Diazepam, and Smoking Catnip

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Monday

Went to Jackie’s Savers Store after dropping R off at school, got more compost to repot the aloe vera and lemon tree and she gave me a money plant that she’d put aside for me the week before. It seems like my plants are my healthy addiction now I’m not stoned out of my face anymore.

Researched and drafted an article that’s still a work in progress, and has been for over a year now. It’s one of them where I have so much to say but need to condense it into an easy to swallow format, I know I’ll…


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I still remember the day in vivid detail.

I’d broken up with him (we’ll call him J) the night before, after he’d left me alone at a gig for two hours so he could go and do cocaine. He then returned and started flirting with another women right in front of me, I stormed out, he followed and then left me crying in the pouring rain in the early hours of the morning.

I got home sopping wet and knew that after nine long months of being on this rollercoaster, I was finally done. …


Brighter Eyes, Better Parenting, and Exercise

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I’m proud to say I’ve made it to two weeks without a smoke of cannabis, and I feel great.

I won’t lie, this week was harder for cravings, but the thought of having to say I relapsed on here again stopped me in my tracks — not just that — but the improvements I’ve seen in my relationship with my six year old son have kept me strong.

Here’s a few notes from my quitting weed diary from the past week.

Monday

It’s a bank holiday and raining, me and R just chilled at home then later we went for…


Image by Kerry Arbon

Your space has to be beautiful and homely to you for you to function well emotionally, mentally, and physically. But if you’re on welfare the money you get only covers rent, bills and food (just about) and doesn’t leave room for luxury.

There isn’t money spare for curtains, rugs, wallpaper or decent art work.

So what do you do?

Long silk scarves from the charity shop

They can be used as window coverings. …


Photo by Jeff W on Unsplash

Matthew Clarke, the author of the book, spent three years trying to quit and relapsed many times. He was a heavy cannabis smoker from the age of sixteen to twenty-nine, and yet he finally managed to quit.

This book is based on his own research and experience. I found it really helpful and have highlighted the parts that are helping me through my own recovery from this sweet, but ultimately damaging herb.

[Note: Obviously it’s not damaging for people who use it responsibly. I’m not one of those people.]

“All you are concerned about is looking towards the next high…


Sweats, Dreams, and a Mental Health Diagnosis

Photo by Pietro Tebaldi on Unsplash

Well, I made it a full week without a smoke of the herb and I’m here to report the highlights and lowlights.

Day 1

Felt good all day, simply because of the decision to quit weed.

I went easy on myself and basked in the feeling of not having the guilts for being sneaky and hiding my weed habit.

Made cornflake chicken for my son and had the house all tidy.

Day 2

Woke up sweating after bad dreams about the conman.

Spent the morning wondering if I could still get him done for coercive control and abuse, even though it’s been three years…


After fifteen years of being on a rollercoaster I can finally breathe

Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash

I’ve suspected I had bipolar for a couple of years now, but was scared to fully admit it because of the idea of needing lifelong medication and the stigma that comes with it.

Last year I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety with traits of EUPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) but it didn’t sit right when I read into it. I accepted the professional viewpoint at the time and told myself I must be in denial.

The thing was, how I reacted to this news.

I’ve always written under my mothers maiden name as a way to keep some privacy and because frankly, I was scared of anyone I know…


I didn’t report him, and now he’s struck again

Photo by Rae Angela on Unsplash

Since quitting weed my dreams have come back. The last two nights they have been about the conman I fled from three years ago.

This has brought an increase in intrusive memories about him throughout the day too. I hate that he still takes up space in my mind.

It got me thinking how unfair it is that he just goes about wrecking women's lives (and their children's) and then just moves on with the next one.

I did get a restraining order on him after it all happened, but that has expired now.

We have had no contact since…

Kerry Arbon

English woman and mother writing about mental health, parenting, addiction and recovery. Email: kerryarbonwriter@gmail.com

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